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demo

by His Sweatshirt

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1.
Tonight I will set myself on fire And you will watch me and say to yourself at least she’s clean She’s structured she’s half way pretty at least she has her shit together And you will ignore all the warning signs aches and pains that got me here a suicide note on a paper napkin a facial expression to match the fear Watch me take a short walk off a long bridge Maybe it’s your first time but baby this is my everyday Feet connecting to the pavement, let me run away from you I’m prepared to feel this pain but only if it's the truth Tomorrow I will reach up into the sky and pull the moon and the stars down from the velvet wall of night I still wouldn’t be satisfied without you holding me underneath that dirty grey blanket But all the affection I get is tainted and I feel his hands holding me down and I don’t know how I’m ever gonna get my body back I’m gonna get my body back I’m gonna get my body back I am gonna get my body back Oh I don’t know how to get this brick off my chest I’m holding my breath But I don’t how to get this hurt out of my chest Not that you’d know what it looks like But I swear I’m doing my best Not that you know what it looks like but baby I’m doing my best Watch me take a short walk off a long bridge Maybe it’s your first time but baby this is my everyday Feet connecting to the pavement, let me run away from you I’m prepared to feel this pain but only if it's the truth Tomorrow I will wake up and be alright I’m gonna get my body back I'm gonna get my body back I'm gonna get my body back I am gonna get my body back Oh I don’t know how to get this brick off my chest I’ve been holding my breath But I don’t how to get this hurt out of my chest Not that you’d know what it looks like But I swear I’m doing my best Not that you know what it looks like but baby I’m doing my best
2.
New York 03:12
I’ve been faking all the smiles and well wishes The truth is I was totally destroying it In the back seat of your car to the lawn in your front yard I have looked hard enough for any chance you loved me So here’s your sweatshirt, I’m giving it back I know you hate it when you feel attached So just keep me arm’s length, I’m happy where I can look at you Spinning like a star, you’re still my California baby blue When the sun comes closer I hope I feel your breath But you're not the best thing about New York You're not even the best thing about me When you leave I will grow into myself I will feel everything, everything you gave me Please don’t be mad about the white lies that I told you I kept your necklace down my shirt so I could hold you Next to my heart close to my blood pumping heavy in my nightmares Sink your teeth into my dreams and tell me some small thing So here’s your sweatshirt, I’m giving it back I know you hate it when you feel attached So just keep me arm’s length, I’m happy where I can look at you Spinning like a star, you’re still my California baby blue When the sun comes closer I hope I feel your breath You’re not the best thing about new York You’re not even the best thing about me When you leave I will grow into myself I will feel everything you gave me You’re not the best thing about New York You’re not even the best thing about me I won’t be sorry for taking care of myself I’m gonna be I’m gonna be something to see
3.
Vision blurry in the bathroom Stay up baby and I'll talk to you I'm not your girl so it's not your problem Don't give a fuck if it makes me like them Tell me how I'm supposed to feel with your hands all around my throat Forced to swallow into my stomach watch me throw you up You don't have to have nightmares like mine I'm already know you won't be around for the navy blue homicide, homicide I won't put up a fight Fingernails in my arms dig deeper Chasing tables in the other room Monsters coming to take me down there I see it happening again with you So smoke your cigarette and make me feel young If you don't want to breathe tonight Ghosts in the mirror look over my shoulder Maybe I don't have this right But I won't, I won't put up a fight Tell me how I'm supposed to feel with your hands all around my throat Forced to swallow into my stomach watch me throw you up You don't have to have nightmares like mine I'm already know you won't be around for the navy blue homicide, homicide I won't put up a fight I won't put up a fight
4.
I just wanted to know is this a fucking trend? Breaking down in a truck stop bathroom on I-96 Poisoned with your confidence I absolve your crimes But don’t underestimate this, I know that you lied But who am I kidding? I'm still wearing your ring like nothing happened And I have trouble falling asleep without you by my side I can delete the messages turn my phone off mute the conversation But my mind plays tricks on me horrors of my own creation at night I just wanted to know is this a fucking trend? Calling me three in the morning, mixed signals that you send Told all our friends you were so sad and then told me try less Be smaller than you feel you are, keep it here inside my chest But I don’t mind cause I’m loser and I still turn you on No respect for my self pity when my words come out wrong But who am I kidding I'm still wearing your ring like nothing happened And I have trouble falling asleep without you by my side I can delete the messages turn my phone off mute the conversation But my mind plays tricks on me horrors of my own creation at night His sweatshirt around my waist I walk home but stay in place Vampires hunt me for sport Lipstick stain all on your heart Scream my name outside afraid Exhale night let the day fade Noises break the look you gave I love you but I can’t stay His sweatshirt around my waist I walk home but stay in place Vampires hunt me for sport Lipstick stain all on your heart Scream my name outside afraid Exhale night let the day fade Noises break the look you gave I love you but I can’t stay
5.
You’re not so tough now Seeing me fall apart Over things preventable Over things within your control No you’re not so tough now I wanna feel the way I felt about you with anyone else If you told me the truth what would you say Please turn the key and let me in I want to feel the way I felt again Lost in your eyes just for a second I knew I was second best then But I swear it won’t bother me now You can take cheap shots at me I will come back for more And when the winter settles in Maybe my heart won’t be yours I’m not so tough now He took my insides out Put them on display for everyone A fire sign, the smoking gun Now I’m too tired to explain I hope you know who your friends are Cause I sure learned the hard way Now I can’t close my eyes I know you see me when I’m not OK Please turn the key and let me in I want to feel the way I felt again Lost in your eyes just for a second I knew I was second best then But I swear it won’t bother me now You can take cheap shots at me It won’t ever feel as badly As being under his body There’s nothing here to see There’s nothing here to see No there's nothing here to see The Rorschach test of bruises on my legs Can you make out the pictures? A prophecy of blood on the linoleum floor Where I couldn’t scream anymore The Rorschach test of bruises on my legs Can you make out the pictures? A prophecy of blood on the linoleum floor Where I couldn’t scream anymore The Rorschach test of bruises on my legs Can you make out the pictures? A prophecy of blood on the linoleum floor Where I couldn’t scream anymore Now I don't scream any more
6.
All good things fade but I'm starting to think you've been pushing your luck I tied a ribbon around both our necks but baby I can't hold us both us And I start to wonder eventually If you're even still in love with me And if I don't like the person that I am Then why should you? So I'll take take take take it back to the ocean There's people I know who don't fight my emotions like you do Like you do And if I break break break down calling your cell phone Don't act surprised, you led me on You know I think you like it, but I don't think you like me at all Why are you hiding, pretending to be lost When everyone knows you're not And they're asking me why I'm still searching When in plain sight I put up a fight To keep you and me from slipping I have this dream where I'm killing my grandfather for all of the things that he did to my grandmother Sometimes halfway through I become her and I can feel my whole family shudder From the blow that was his leather belt, I guess history repeats itself and some girls can build a home in side the prowess of a man But I can't So don't you put your fucking hands on me You will leave eventually I'm starting to think I'll be better off All good things fade but I'm starting to think you've been pushing your luck I tied a ribbon around both our necks but baby I can't hold us both us And I start to wonder eventually If you're even still in love with me And if I don't like the person that I am Is there still a chance?

about

Guitar/vox: Stevie
Bass: Cat
Drums: Andrew

Recording/Mix: Bernie

credits

released May 17, 2019

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His Sweatshirt Brooklyn, New York

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