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by His Sweatshirt

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about

Guitar/vox: Sarah
Bass: Cat
Drums: Andrew

Recording/Mix: Bernie

credits

released May 17, 2019

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all rights reserved

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His Sweatshirt Brooklyn, New York

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Track Name: Set Myself on Fire
Tonight I will set myself on fire
And you will watch me and say to yourself at least she’s clean
She’s structured she’s half way pretty
at least she has her shit together

And you will ignore all the warning signs
aches and pains that got me here
a suicide note on a paper napkin
a facial expression to match the fear

Watch me take a short walk off a long bridge
Maybe it’s your first time but baby this is my everyday
Feet connecting to the pavement, let me run away from you
I’m prepared to feel this pain but only if it's the truth

Tomorrow I will reach up into the sky
and pull the moon and the stars down from the velvet wall of night
I still wouldn’t be satisfied
without you holding me underneath that dirty grey blanket
But all the affection I get is tainted
and I feel his hands holding me down
and I don’t know how
I’m ever gonna get my body back
I’m gonna get my body back
I’m gonna get my body back
I am gonna get my body back

Oh I don’t know how to get this brick off my chest
I’m holding my breath
But I don’t how to get this hurt out of my chest
Not that you’d know what it looks like
But I swear I’m doing my best
Not that you know what it looks like
but baby I’m doing my best

Watch me take a short walk off a long bridge
Maybe it’s your first time but baby this is my everyday
Feet connecting to the pavement, let me run away from you
I’m prepared to feel this pain but only if it's the truth

Tomorrow I will wake up and be alright
I’m gonna get my body back
I'm gonna get my body back
I'm gonna get my body back
I am gonna get my body back

Oh I don’t know how to get this brick off my chest
I’ve been holding my breath
But I don’t how to get this hurt out of my chest
Not that you’d know what it looks like
But I swear I’m doing my best
Not that you know what it looks like
but baby I’m doing my best
Track Name: New York
I’ve been faking all the smiles and well wishes
The truth is I was totally destroying it
In the back seat of your car to the lawn in your front yard
I have looked hard enough for any chance you loved me

So here’s your sweatshirt, I’m giving it back
I know you hate it when you feel attached
So just keep me arm’s length, I’m happy where I can look at you
Spinning like a star, you’re still my California baby blue
When the sun comes closer I hope I feel your breath

But you're not the best thing about New York
You're not even the best thing about me
When you leave I will grow into myself
I will feel everything, everything you gave me

Please don’t be mad about the white lies that I told you
I kept your necklace down my shirt so I could hold you
Next to my heart close to my blood pumping heavy in my nightmares
Sink your teeth into my dreams and tell me some small thing

So here’s your sweatshirt, I’m giving it back
I know you hate it when you feel attached
So just keep me arm’s length, I’m happy where I can look at you
Spinning like a star, you’re still my California baby blue
When the sun comes closer I hope I feel your breath

You’re not the best thing about new York
You’re not even the best thing about me
When you leave I will grow into myself
I will feel everything you gave me

You’re not the best thing about New York
You’re not even the best thing about me
I won’t be sorry for taking care of myself
I’m gonna be I’m gonna be something to see
Track Name: Put Up A Fight
Vision blurry in the bathroom
Stay up baby and I'll talk to you
I'm not your girl so it's not your problem
Don't give a fuck if it makes me like them

Tell me how I'm supposed to feel with your hands all around my throat
Forced to swallow into my stomach watch me throw you up
You don't have to have nightmares like mine
I'm already know you won't be around for the navy blue homicide, homicide
I won't put up a fight

Fingernails in my arms dig deeper
Chasing tables in the other room
Monsters coming to take me down there
I see it happening again with you
So smoke your cigarette and make me feel young
If you don't want to breathe tonight
Ghosts in the mirror look over my shoulder
Maybe I don't have this right
But I won't, I won't put up a fight

Tell me how I'm supposed to feel with your hands all around my throat
Forced to swallow into my stomach watch me throw you up
You don't have to have nightmares like mine
I'm already know you won't be around for the navy blue homicide, homicide
I won't put up a fight
I won't put up a fight
Track Name: His Sweatshirt
I just wanted to know is this a fucking trend?
Breaking down in a truck stop bathroom on I-96
Poisoned with your confidence I absolve your crimes
But don’t underestimate this, I know that you lied

But who am I kidding? I'm still wearing your ring like nothing happened
And I have trouble falling asleep without you by my side
I can delete the messages turn my phone off mute the conversation
But my mind plays tricks on me horrors of my own creation at night

I just wanted to know is this a fucking trend?
Calling me three in the morning, mixed signals that you send
Told all our friends you were so sad and then told me try less
Be smaller than you feel you are, keep it here inside my chest

But I don’t mind cause I’m loser and I still turn you on
No respect for my self pity when my words come out wrong

But who am I kidding I'm still wearing your ring like nothing happened
And I have trouble falling asleep without you by my side
I can delete the messages turn my phone off mute the conversation
But my mind plays tricks on me horrors of my own creation at night

His sweatshirt around my waist
I walk home but stay in place
Vampires hunt me for sport
Lipstick stain all on your heart
Scream my name outside afraid
Exhale night let the day fade
Noises break the look you gave
I love you but I can’t stay

His sweatshirt around my waist
I walk home but stay in place
Vampires hunt me for sport
Lipstick stain all on your heart
Scream my name outside afraid
Exhale night let the day fade
Noises break the look you gave
I love you but I can’t stay
Track Name: Rorschach Test
You’re not so tough now
Seeing me fall apart
Over things preventable
Over things within your control
No you’re not so tough now

I wanna feel the way I felt about you with anyone else
If you told me the truth what would you say

Please turn the key and let me in
I want to feel the way I felt again
Lost in your eyes just for a second
I knew I was second best then
But I swear it won’t bother me now

You can take cheap shots at me
I will come back for more
And when the winter settles in
Maybe my heart won’t be yours

I’m not so tough now
He took my insides out
Put them on display for everyone
A fire sign, the smoking gun
Now I’m too tired to explain

I hope you know who your friends are
Cause I sure learned the hard way
Now I can’t close my eyes
I know you see me when I’m not OK

Please turn the key and let me in
I want to feel the way I felt again
Lost in your eyes just for a second
I knew I was second best then
But I swear it won’t bother me now

You can take cheap shots at me
It won’t ever feel as badly
As being under his body
There’s nothing here to see
There’s nothing here to see
No there's nothing here to see

The Rorschach test of bruises on my legs
Can you make out the pictures?
A prophecy of blood on the linoleum floor
Where I couldn’t scream anymore

The Rorschach test of bruises on my legs
Can you make out the pictures?
A prophecy of blood on the linoleum floor
Where I couldn’t scream anymore

The Rorschach test of bruises on my legs
Can you make out the pictures?
A prophecy of blood on the linoleum floor
Where I couldn’t scream anymore
Now I don't scream any more
Track Name: The Skeletons In My Closet Are Watching You
All good things fade but I'm starting to think you've been pushing your luck
I tied a ribbon around both our necks but baby I can't hold us both us
And I start to wonder eventually
If you're even still in love with me
And if I don't like the person that I am
Then why should you?

So I'll take take take take it back to the ocean
There's people I know who don't fight my emotions like you do
Like you do
And if I break break break down calling your cell phone
Don't act surprised, you led me on
You know I think you like it, but I don't think you like me at all

Why are you hiding, pretending to be lost
When everyone knows you're not
And they're asking me why I'm still searching
When in plain sight I put up a fight
To keep you and me from slipping

I have this dream where I'm killing my grandfather for all of the things that he did to my grandmother
Sometimes halfway through I become her and I can feel my whole family shudder
From the blow that was his leather belt, I guess history repeats itself
and some girls can build a home in side the prowess of a man
But I can't
So don't you put your fucking hands on me
You will leave eventually
I'm starting to think I'll be better off

All good things fade but I'm starting to think you've been pushing your luck
I tied a ribbon around both our necks but baby I can't hold us both us
And I start to wonder eventually
If you're even still in love with me
And if I don't like the person that I am
Is there still a chance?

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